kurosakiami01

Have a little Shen Wei introspection that I wrote around episode 10, I think? I'm not too sure *shrugs*

Warnings: it's a little sad, but well it goes with the show. Ah, it's First Person POV because that's what I felt like writing at that moment.

shen wei loves zhao yunlan, and sometimes that hurts

Some days I can’t look at him.

He’ll speak or laugh or simply be, and with just that he’s taken all of me. I exist in that moment, but only because he’s there, and I feel like an apparition, paper-thin and ready to disappear into nothing the moment he stops.

It hurts. Deep inside, where my lungs and my heart fight for the bigger space instead of working in harmony as they should.

But Yunlan…

Zhao Yunlan smiles and I can’t breathe.

He looks at me and I try not to panic, I try to keep my face impassive and free of all feelings. I don’t know if I’m ever successful, because his eyes are always piercing and I feel like he can see inside of my soul.

I love him so much.

I hate it.

I hate that he doesn’t remember, but…

It’s better like this, isn’t it? Even when I miss him so much that feels like an open wound that’s never stopped bleeding.

Zhao Yunlan…

Some days he’s so beautiful or so ridiculous or so cute that I don’t know how I’ve managed to stop myself from kissing him, from touching his face and caressing every feature.

I have to clench my hands and look away, ears burning and a hopeless, endless pit of longing inside me.

I wonder…

Maybe one day it will be different.

For now, though, it’s simpler if I don’t look at him too much.